Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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