new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
