Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
