oh fat girl friday strikes again...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
