i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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