Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
