I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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