you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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