Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
