If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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