I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
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There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
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some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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