things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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