Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
