i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
