You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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