I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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