home. puking in laundry basket.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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