no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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