My first STD was from a foam party
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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