Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
