i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
