The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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