I wish i was in the wii world.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
