I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
too bad you live with your parents still
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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