and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
