Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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