i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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