i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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