Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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