i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
