I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize