oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
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2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
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We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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