We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
