Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She's the barista slut.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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