I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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