so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
