Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
