Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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