Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
