wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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