Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
