My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
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