Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
