i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize