We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
tequila makes me forget i have legs
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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