i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
the liver wants what the liver wants
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
