God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
