Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
