what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
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