It's like God shit irony all over that family
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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