Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
