You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
