Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
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He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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