You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
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