well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize