I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
