im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
this is an emotional support booty call
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
