Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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