Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
