Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
