Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
