she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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