walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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