i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
