Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
