TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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