Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
