Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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