I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I think my fart just growled at me.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
