So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She bit a glass in half.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
