My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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