Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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