There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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