I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
