it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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