yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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