he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
